November 18, 2025 - Tuesday


Wild & Free was cancelled today because of the cold, rainy weather, so we got some school stuff done in the morning and then we went to the library to pick up some holds before they expired. The girls did each other's makeup before we went which was, admittedly, slightly embarrassing for me. But, at the same time, it was just this perfect model of carefree, innocent childhood, when any makeup is good makeup. They were so, very excited to have gotten all gussied up before we went out for the morning. It was so adorable and so sweet. And definitely a little silly!

After errands, I got back to the house, made lunch for the kids, and headed over to Jenny's house so we could read together. At the same time, Ben was driving home because he's feeling terribly depressed and wants to give up on his whole life. I felt pretty awful for not being there for him when he got home, but he honestly just wanted to sit on the couch and watch tv and that's what he did so...hopefully no harm done? My time with Jenny was fine. I'm bored of our book and ready to move on. We're almost done though! 

I was going to take the kids to middle school CT tonight, but Ben asked me to please not take them and to go out on a date with him instead. Jonas didn't want to go anyway, but Clem was SO looking forward to it. I agreed to go with Ben's plan and Clemi is super upset. I get it. I had told her she was going and then I didn't take her. She had every right to be upset! But, at the same time, I felt like Ben needed me more than she needed to go to CT? It was a tough decision to make. I feel like he often puts me in these kinds of positions, but I'm not going to dwell on that because I really don't need anything else to make me feel frustrated with Ben. Anyway, our date was pretty nice. We just went to Grandad's and shared a couple of appetizers, but we had some good time to talk. Aside from feeling really sad, he's also feeling really discouraged about his lack of close relationships within our homechurch. I thought things with James were going good, but Ben feels like James is just trying to find someone to disciple, when he originally thought James was looking for friendship and possibly peer discipleship. So now he feels used and misunderstood and just so over it. He's so sick of our HC and just does not want to put any more effort into it, despite how well things have been going overall. He really wants to try out the Dublin homechurch we found out about recently. He asked if we could, at some point, make it a plan to visit a few Thursdays in a row (which is their HC night). I agreed that we could try it, but I don't want to do it during the holidays. I'm really sad about the whole thing. I'm so happy with our group right now. I almost cried while we were even discussing it. And the thought of talking to people about it, while Ben gets to just sit back and let me handle everything makes me want to scream. But that's a worry for another day. For tonight, we had a good time being together. We went to Home Depot and grabbed the stuff I need to build Ruby and Ollie's closet. Hopefully I'll have time to get that started soon!

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