November 22, 2025 - Saturday

I let myself get way too frustrated with Ben this morning. I spent some time relaxing, then when he went out for his run, I got dressed and started doing some yard work. Our back side yard got cleared out by the power company recently for access reasons and it was really a blessing because we've always wanted that area to be usable! This brought us 75% of the way there. Well, the last 25% is a lot of hard work too and Ben is not really up for it. He doesn't see my vision for that space and feels overwhelmed by the task. Anyway, I went out there and got to work starting a fire to burn some of the wood that's still over there after he left. I knew Ben did not want me to do this, but I did want to do it and I felt like it was a good way to start clearing out that space. I wanted to just rake the branches and mulch crap together and burn it. We've gone back and forth about it several times. I figured, today, the ground was soaked and it was not going to spread. The only things that would burn would be the things that I intentionally burn. It took me a while because of how damp everything was, but I finally got a small fire going. That's when Ben got back. He walked up to me with his hands on his hips and a disappointed dad look on his face. "Jos", he said, "you know this is a bad idea. This is dangerous. The fire is going to spread everywhere. You have no idea what you're doing here." I just wanted to punch him right in his stupid, condescending face!!! Just because he's scared of something doesn't make it a true threat. The ground was soaked. That tiny fire wasn't going anywhere and the hose was nearby! He would not budge. I tried to make my arguments and he just stood there, staring at the fire with his hands on his hips. I'm assuming he was trying to bite his tongue and that's why he was standing there quietly, but he was not giving up because he truly believed that I was putting all of us in terrible danger by not having a fire ring around this stupid, tiny fire. But the fire ring would have defeated the entire idea of just raking the crap onto the fire and getting rid of it! I was completely exasperated and frustrated after a few minutes of this and just started putting my hard-earned fire out. I threw a couple handfuls of mud on it and that was that. He, satisfied, went into the house to get changed and said he'd help me since I told him he was forcing me to do this the hardest way possible, by cutting everything into small pieces and bagging it all up. I, at this point, wanted desperately to just be away from him! I was FUMING for hours. I'm surprised he couldn't see the damn smoke pouring out of my ears. A few hours later, I had cooled off, but I'm still very irritated about this. It's not a concession I want to make because I know he is not going to do his part, at the end of the day. He's making my life harder and he's going to sit on his ass while I do it all the hard way. That might not be fair. He might help some. I guess only time will tell. I got about 1/3 of the space cleared and ready for grass seed today though! 

I took Jonas out on a date to Dairy Queen and then spent the afternoon prepping some things to work on the closet tomorrow. And cleaned, of course. If I'm angry or anxious or sad or irritated, that's where I go nowadays. Not that anything ever looks cleaner or anyone ever appreciates it.