April 30, 2024 - Tuesday


We had Wild & Free today and it was all the way down at Slate Run. So we drive the 45 minutes to get there and then the kids just played on the playground for an hour! I was so frustrated. I drove 45 minutes for my kids to play on a playground. Like, could we not have done that a little closer? We did eventually walk down to the creek, but I felt uncomfortable the whole time, because of how much poison ivy was around. I could see it everywhere! I did corner Val and talk to her about all of the drama that's been happening. It sounds like she's not going to change the day now...maybe? I have no idea what's going on and it sounds like she doesn't know either. I just feel completely neutral about whether or not she stays in charge of things, as long as it remains on Tuesdays and Cass can't threaten/hurt my kids anymore. Those are the two things that are most important to me. Me not having to lead would also be a plus! But I think some other people are feeling differently. Alas, I am going to extract myself from the group drama if my concerns are no longer an issue because it just all makes me sick to my stomach to think about. 

I'm a little frustrated with Ben because...well, because he's different than me, I guess. I have been feeling more stable and ready to put aside thoughts on switching churches for a couple of months, meaning I'm still going to be involved and do my best with group. Ben, on the other hand, does not seem to be there. He doesn't want to invest relationally with people that he feels have already failed him, whether we're tabling new church talk or not. He skipped HC on Monday, without warning, he wants to cancel with Alex tonight, and Mark reached out to him to hang out, and he has no interest in doing that at all. It ends up making me feel embarrassed, honestly, like I'm responsible for making excuses for him or explaining his behavior to people. I'm not sure how much that's actually true though. And I also can't really blame him, because it is all just so exhausting, and we've been in an overwhelmed place for a little while now. I still wish he could do a little better with this. He's been very attentive to me, though, and we're getting along great, otherwise.  

We're about to have some dinner and then I'm setting aside time to work on my cell teaching tonight. Here's hoping it isn't trash! 

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