March 29, 2024 - Friday


So, I think I mentioned yesterday that Ben was in a really terrible place and I got to bear the full brunt of it. Because that’s marriage, in a way. Ups and downs, sickness and health, and all that good stuff. Well, today he was at Patrick’s, after spending the night there, and texted me a few times saying what an amazing mood he was in, how much better he feels, no pain, so much fun, etc., etc. And I was glad for him, but it really just made me feel terrible too. Like, I have to carry the burden of your pain, and your nearly constant bad moods, and your terrible anxieties, while your brother just gets happy Ben. Your nephews and niece just get happy Ben, while your kids get “leave me alone” Ben. It’s not fair for me to feel that way, because we obviously get Ben’s good side too, but the good stuff doesn’t come as often as the bad nowadays and it made me immeasurably angry to know that a perfect day of his was spent on other people. And, of course, I also felt like it’s Patrick who brought out his good side. Like, maybe Ben is always angry BECAUSE of us. And that’s why we have all of the bad days spent with us, because we’re the cause of the bad days. Like, something about coming home to his wife and kids every day is ruining him or something. I don’t know.

Anyway, I did get to see Justina, which was wonderful. We spent hours catching up and talking about life. It was great. I can’t believe she’s moving down to New Orleans tomorrow. Crazy timing and I’m just so thankful I caught her before she left. Another reason I can praise God for this visit!

This evening, we had a big egg dying party with my brother, nieces, nephews, and sister. So many people in this tiny house! It was a great night though. I got to meet Zach’s new girlfriend and spent some time talking to Tasha. Evie came late, but it gave me a chance to have conversation with her, rather than just chit chat. It was a long day, but a fulfilling one.



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