January 8, 2025 - Wednesday


Jenny came over to visit for a while this morning, which was great. I'm still feeling so insecure about HC stuff, which I'm starting to feel is ridiculous, but how do you stop feeling insecure? 

I took the kids to the movies to see Sonic 3 around lunch time and that was a lot of fun. Everyone did great there and I had some credits on my Movie Club member account, so it was cheap too!

As soon as we got back, I started prepping dinner and I just have no interest in eating this dinner at all. I'm only making it because Ben is dieting and I want to be supportive of him. He was having a "hard day" at work, which is literally every single day of his life. I mean, LITERALLY EVERY DAY. I talk to him through text and calls and several times throughout the day I get, "I'm having a hard day babe." Why is every day so hard? WHY? Every day I'm supposed to be ready for him to come home and dump all of his stresses and anxieties onto me because that's what a loving person does, I guess, and I'm terrible at it. Ben got home and I was feeling pissy and I didn't inquire about his day because I already knew it was "hard" and what else do I even need to know about it? He asked why I didn't ask him any questions, so I tried to start conversation and then he yelled at me and got all pissed that I pretended to be interested in his day and then we got to argue for the next hour. So that was fun. I told him I don't feel like being married to him anymore and he talked me down from the ledge, but gosh. Should marriage actually be this hard? Don't some people actually like their spouses and enjoy having them around? Should I dread him coming home every day? We're not doing well. But things are up and down enough that I don't know where I actually am most of the time. It's so hard for me to see past my current headspace. Also, I'm not divorcing my husband and tearing apart my family, so there's that too. 


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