August 31, 2026 - Monday





Since we didn't get a lot of time at the house yesterday, we decided to stick pretty close to home today. We had a slow morning, then went out for a DQ treat after lunch. Immediately following DQ, we went to Birch Point Beach for a couple of hours. It was a great day to go over there: high tide and warm. It was busier than we've ever seen it! But, thankfully, even busier than we've ever seen it, it was still pretty chill. After hanging out there with the sun shining directly in our faces for HOURS, we came home, cleaned up, and got ready for dinner. 

We decided to try a new fried chicken place for dinner tonight, that Ben found online. We liked it there! The food was good, but not cheap at all. I got a full meal, which I should not have, considering I can only eat a few bites. So I ended up feeling guilty and like I wasted $15. But everyone really enjoyed their food. Sadly, it did not sit well with Ben's stomach. We were hanging out with my parents and then were going to go to Walmart afterwards to get some groceries, but he had a "stomach emergency" and we ended up rushing out of the restaurant as quickly as possible, then straight home. After his stomach settled down, Ben and Jonas ran out to Walmart for supplies. 

The evening ended up being a nightmare for me. It's hard for me to even put into words exactly what happened, because it was all mental, really. Jonas mentioned something about wanting to try my cider and I laughed it off, but cautioned him about being too eager to drink alcohol and how much alcoholism runs in both me and Ben's families. Jonas made an off-hand remark about knowing he's going to become an alcoholic someday...how he can already feel it. And it was just so reminiscent of my brother prophesying a life of addiction and early death that I pretty much broke down. I put a couple of dishes in the sink, then went into my room and sobbed for hours. When Ben came in to try to calm me down, I basically cursed him for his alcoholism and said I never should have married him, and that, because of him, I am going to lose my son to addiction and it's all his fault. It was a VERY BAD NIGHT. Very, very bad. I was sunk in absolute despair. The kids could all hear me crying and were terrified. Ben was angry, and sad, and feeling terribly guilty. And, while I took 10 minutes to try and explain what was going on to Jonas and Clem, we basically went to sleep like that. 

What I was trying to explain to everyone is that drinking in our house looks fun because Ben isn't ever out of control, but MY experience with alcohol and drug addiction was very different. They hear stories of my brother or my mom and think they're anecdotes, but I really did have to drag my naked mother into her bed at night and scrub her vomit off of the floor at 14, and I really did have to skip school for months because I had a brand new baby sister in the house and mom who was incapable of caring for her at 15, and I really did have to lay in bed with my brother who was going through withdrawal and certain he would die...then watch his body fail him after his final OD 18. Addiction is not a joke or just a story. Ben finally admitted to me (away from the kids) that he's willing to recognize aloud that he's an alcoholic, but isn't ready to promise some drastic change. I'm grateful for something, at least. 

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