September 19, 2026 - Saturday

Today was pretty chill. We just hung out for most of the morning. I got out a new puzzle and worked on that for a couple of hours and also read intermittently. In the early afternoon, I took Clem on a date to American Eagle and some other places. We had a nice time. 

The Shauls came over for dinner tonight and it went smoothly. We had to be inside because of the weather, but the kids mostly hung out in the basement, and we eventually turned on a movie that had them all zoned out. Dinner and conversation were both good. Ben and Travis left in the middle to take Jonas to Max's house for a sleepover, and I could tell that Kylienne was really trying to get some new conversations started. It didn't work all that well, but I was proud of her for attempting! I can't really think of any other times she has taken the lead on conversations, in all of these years! She ended up saying something at one point that was really sad. It was something like, 'Nobody has any answers about anything. We're all just completely lost and making shit up as we go.' And while I understand the sentiment--the world is a confusing and scary place--I absolutely do not agree and don't live my life that way. I'm hoping to get a chance to bring it back up with her later. 

Colin started a text thread between him, Ben, me, and Christina, saying it was weird that Ben was texting without me and, dude, I let them know ALL the things I was feeling. They didn't know that it was kind of a mercy that Ben was handling the communication. He was just hoping for a quick apology so we could all move on. Instead, we get this prolonged denial nonsense, making Ben and I feel pretty confident that this group is not going to work for us long term, and making us feel pretty unfriendly towards our friends. 

Here's what I texted back: Hey, so I have gone through a range of emotions over the past 5 days or so. From hurt and disrespected, to angry, to apathetic, to acceptance that this group may just not be the right fit for us. It seems that you guys don’t take issue with (and often participate in) side conversations during the group discussion. I do take issue with it, especially when I’m the one leading…although it ALWAYS feels disrespectful to me. It is also clear that most of the group doesn’t feel like it’s a priority to involve themselves in these discussions and instead scrolls on their phones, or just sits and kind of stares into space. This is also an issue for me. What about serving one another? What about supporting the people who spent their time preparing the questions and studying the chapter ahead of time? At the very least, I’m not interested in being on the teaching rotation right now. If I wanted to talk to two people about the Bible while everyone else ignored me, I could probably just do that at home! I leave my house (which you guys know I don’t love to do) every Wednesday evening with the hope of learning and growing spiritually. I’m questioning if that’s going to happen here.

As far as specifics, which shouldn’t be necessary, but I guess are: Colin, you were chatting with Layne about the flip phone thing for a few minutes. Christina, you were talking and laughing across the table with Erin about 2/3 of the way through the discussion. I was trying to focus, so I’m not sure what was so pressing that it needed to be said in the middle of the Bible study! Neither of you appeared to be engaged in the discussion and if you think about it without being defensive, you’ll know that it’s true. I ALWAYS support your teachings by participating in discussions. I always give you my full attention when you have the floor. I’m just really disappointed that I didn’t receive that in return.