September 18, 2026 - Friday


So glad this school week is over. It's so hard for me to cheerfully do school with the kids when I'm in this headspace! They're such good, sweet, hard-working kids though. I try really, really hard to still be loving towards them, even when I feel like I'm going to explode on everyone. 

I got my dresses that I ordered today! Of course, now I have to worry about how I'm going to return two of them. 😬 But that's beside the point. This is just the first one I tried on. I don't think it's flattering on me, so I don't think I'm going with this one. It's crazy because I'll feel like I'm thin and beautiful, but then I try on a dress like this and have a picture taken and it becomes so clear how lumpy, and overweight, and blah I really look. It's kind of sad. Probably sadder that that's how I see myself than that that's how I look, if that makes sense. But, alas, my body is what my body is, and this dress makes me feel worse about it. One of them is more comfortable and loose, but it's a little goth looking. I don't really want to look goth, so I'm going to try to find some fun shoes and a shawl that might brighten the whole thing up! 

I'm still incredibly angry today. Ben has been worried about me, so he offered to text Christina and Colin about what happened on Wednesday, since they both were having conversations with other people and neither of them contributed or paid any attention to my teaching. And they're leaders in the group! I agreed and was very relieved. The only responses he got after texting them were defensive, denying texts. It was really upsetting, but not surprising. 

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