September 11, 2026 - Friday


Happy birthday to my Gabey baby. I haven't thought about him a ton today...really just in passing. Sometimes, I wish so desperately that life had been different. That he would have lived, and mom wouldn't have been an alcoholic and died too young, and I hadn't lived a life through the lens of, I don't know, all of that trauma and pain. I know that God has a good plan for my life and that all of those experiences are likely a big part of it, but I still sometimes wish it could have been different and that Gabe could be here still. I really hope he's in Heaven with us at the end. My heart aches to see him again. 

Today was a pretty good day. We got our school done in good time, although I did not do our extracurricular. The kids didn't mention it and neither did I. I didn't feel like doing French after lunch! I went back to Christina's again (thank God she lives in the neighborhood!) and put together another bookshelf. I also hung some pictures and a new whiteboard for her. She's got some anxiety about a friend coming over this evening and really, really wants her house to look good before dinner with them. I wish she didn't feel like she needed to impress this friend, especially since she will not be impressed anyway. But I couldn't take the anxiety away. All I could do was try to help her prepare! 

After I was done there, I came home and felt pretty anxious, myself. I've been so looking forward to the retreat this weekend, but now I'm feeling really sick (from my cold) and I'm just worried about whether or not it'll still feel like I belong there. I think I will? But I really just don't know. Ben is getting his new car, and the day was scattered with panicked phone calls about credit checks and finance applications and things not working right, then things working well again. His mood has been so up and down, it's been like a roller coaster! So ready for this process to just be over. I'm writing my blog early today...at 5pm, because I know I won't be up for it when I get home tonight. Hoping everything goes really well at the retreat!!!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

July 27, 2026 - Monday

Image
Today was the first day of VBS at Meadow Park. I agreed to help out, somewhat regrettably, under the pretense that the spot I would fill was the "easiest spot ever", just ushering kids from activity to activity, but not actually doing anything myself. FALSE. Lots and lots of stuff for me to do and I had to be a part of every activity! 😭 Despite that, it wasn't a bad day. My group of kids is pretty sweet and my helper is a great guy...a college student who is really involved, so I don't have to direct him at all. I was just completely beat when the day was over and had to go lay down with the door shut for two hours.  My grocery delivery came almost 12 hours late today, so I pivoted and made pancakes for dinner. Thankfully, I had a pack of turkey bacon in the fridge, so it was more of a complete meal. After dinner, I took Jonas to BJJ and when I picked him up, I got there in time to see him get a new stripe! He was so excited and there were a TON of people in class th...
Read more

April 27, 2026 - Monday

Image
I'm finally starting to feel a little more like myself again. I can almost feel the energy to work on projects and maybe even see people. We'll see if it continues in this direction or if I backslide. I just never know anymore.  Late yesterday evening, Ben asked if the McKeans wanted to come over for a fire. I was shocked! He never wants to do last minute stuff like that. It was a really good night though. I'm glad he reached out to them and asked.  Today, we just did school and our usual BJJ classes. I cleaned and relaxed in the afternoon, then rode with Christina and Lauren to my CACH class planning meeting for the spring. We stopped at Chick-fil-A on the way and got some grub. It was a good meeting! I think the semester will be wonderful. I'm glad I'm doing this yearbook club thing. I think it's going to be a fun group. I need to put together an application for the kids to fill out!
Read more

July 25, 2026 - Saturday

Image
Today was nice. The morning was spent making biscuits and gravy from scratch for Ben's belated b-day breakfast. After he went for a run, we went out to lunch, then visited the new, little grocery store next to the BJJ gym. It obvs caters to the Muslim community, but it was a great store! Much more welcoming than I expected it to be and it'll be a great place to grab some last-minute groceries if I need them. They don't really have milk, but they have eggs, bread, decently priced meats, and pretty much any other meal ingredients I'd need. And it's so convenient! The owner was there and greeted us. When he found out it was our first time in, he gave us some samples of their pre-prepared food they're selling. They have a bakery, a desserts counter, a butcher, and cooked food, along with groceries. It's a cool place! Jonas got his hair cut (he went alone), then he headed to the gym this morning. When we picked him up, he was really sad about his hair cut. I have...
Read more