September 1, 2026 - Tuesday




Today was a little rough. Unsurprisingly, there was some marital backlash to my freak-out last night. I said some very hurtful things to Ben, and he is feeling hurt and angry today. I have no defense for myself, aside from the fact that addiction issues are clearly a trigger for me. I honestly didn't even know until yesterday. I think I had been feeling like we'd be safe and we'd done enough that I wouldn't have to watch my kids struggle with drugs or alcohol, but that was stupid. It was also stupid of me to blame Ben. Although, I do think that his refusal to acknowledge alcohol as an issue in his life and his insistence on drinking every single day of his life also does play a role in how the kids view drinking...and not in a way that will be good for them. 

We went to the Pemaquid Lighthouse and it was beautiful. We hung out there for a couple of tense hours before calling it quits and coming home. In the evening, Ben and I went down to the pier and talked for a while. I tried my best to reassure him that I'm not going anywhere and that I am glad we're married. And he admitted that he isn't in control of his drinking and that he wants to change. We'll see where these steps take us in the days, months, and years to come. I just have no idea. 





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