August 4, 2026 - Tuesday





We had Wild & Free this morning and went to Friendship Park over in Gahanna. It was a far drive, but worth it. We had a great time hanging out with friends and creeking for a while. We left at noon because we didn't pack lunch and we just hung out at home for the afternoon. Ben and I went to the Hilliard HC in the evening. I did get to have some good conversations, and the teaching was good too. I even commented once! Ben felt pretty neutral about it...or at least chose not to really make a judgment on it. Honestly, though, I'm feeling more settled into Meadow Park lately, and I'm not sure I'd go back to Dwell fully at this point. I do like the HC though and could see myself doing both for the time being. IDK. Just waiting on a clear direction from God. I've started back up my daily devotional/independent Bible study again. It's been good for me, I think. 

Max, at W & F, was flirting with Clem today and she was very disconcerted by it. I thought it was cute and funny, but I'm not sure that's how she felt about it. I tried to check in with her later in the day to see how she was feeling, and she said that mostly she just felt weird about it. Max told her she could sit on his lap if she needed somewhere to sit and she was SO flustered. He said a bunch of other stuff too and she said it was "disgusting", but really he just kept insinuating that he's so 'hot'. 🙄 It made me feel weird too, in a different way. Like a terrible, achy wistfulness or something. I realized that it's been soooooo long since anyone flirted with me. It's been sooooo long since I even felt like someone of the opposite sex noticed my existence. I wish that wasn't hard for me. I wish I didn't want that so much. It makes me so sad to think about my invisibility in this world and how unwantable I have become. I will need to be careful not to try to live vicariously through my daughters in the years to come.

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