Photo Journal - Josie Boettcher

Jenny came over to visit for a while this morning, which was great. I'm still feeling so insecure about HC stuff, which I'm starting to feel is ridiculous, but how do you stop feeling insecure?  I took the kids to the movies to see Sonic 3 around lunch time and that was a lot of fun. Everyone did great there and I had some credits on my Movie Club member account, so it was cheap too! As soon as we got back, I started prepping dinner and I just have no interest in eating this dinner at all. I'm only making it because Ben is dieting and I want to be supportive of him. He was having a "hard day" at work, which is literally every single day of his life. I mean, LITERALLY EVERY DAY. I talk to him through text and calls and several times throughout the day I get, "I'm having a hard day babe." Why is every day so hard? WHY? Every day I'm supposed to be ready for him to come home and dump all of his stresses and anxieties onto me because that's what ...

I did not feel like it, but I brought the kids sledding at Highbanks this morning with Wild & Free. It was sooooo coooollllddd! Like 20 degrees-ish. Jonas decided to stay home, which honestly pissed me off. Like, you're 13. Why wouldn't you want to go out sledding??? Wtf are you going to do with no screens at home for the next three hours? Unfortunately, when he first asked if he could stay home, it caught me off guard and I just said ookkkk. It took me a few minutes to become outraged. :) But sledding was fine. We were there for a little over an hour. Clem and Ruby had a blast. Ollie hid in the car crying for 50 minutes of the time. She was too scared to go on the big hill, but felt like it would make her a baby if she went to the small hill. It was such prideful nonsense that I couldn't even feel bad for her. Most of the kids were overwhelmed by how big the big hill was and almost all of the big kids moved over to the smaller hill. Nobody would have thought that about...

Ben has been hovering around me like a worried mama hen all day. It's just depression, for goodness' sake. I spent most of the morning reading, but at one point I encouraged the kids to start working on their chores. The only person who complied was Jonas, while the girls LITERALLY completely ignored me. I tried to just brush it off like I might have done on any other day, but I'm SO freaking SICK of being ignored and disrespected by my kids! I kind of freaked out and called all of the girls self-centered assholes and stressed that punishments were going to come if they didn't start to work on their chores...and not in a half-assed way! Clem continued to just stand there and argue, so I counted and counted, and before she knew it, Clem had lost all screen privileges today and tomorrow and has to go to bed early tonight. She is not happy. And neither am I. Later on, Ollie completely ignored me AGAIN when I directly asked her not to do something. She just looked at me and...

Depression hit me like a ton of bricks today. Whew. It's not good. I did go to CT this morning and was so intimidated by all of the new people joining our group. I wish I could be excited! But I'm just feeling more like an outcast. I know that's the enemy talking and I need to stay as positive as I can about this. I'm sure they're all feeling like outsiders and struggling with some anxiety too. Hopefully I can get up the gumption to at least introduce myself tomorrow.  After CT, Ben went to MtG, then Jonas went to HC, and I spent hours cleaning and organizing while the girls were a whirlwind of chaos, giggles, and bickering around me. I'm pretty overwhelmed at how disorganized and dirty my house is right now. I am planning on taking a little more time off of school with the hopes of working towards restoring things to normal around here, but then, of course, I'm doubting my homeschooling and worrying that if I give them more time off we'll just fall behi...

Last thing yesterday evening, I messaged Jonas's friend's moms and asked if they could hang out for a birthday party TODAY! It was a crazy, last-minute idea, but I thought why not? It turns out, they were all available, so at 11:30 they all met us at Chick-fil-A and dropped their kids off. I bought lunch for everyone and, after lunch, we headed over to Scene 75 for some arcade time. I read my book for a couple of hours while they all played and then Eleanor's mom came and hung out with me for an hour while the kids finished up. It was nice getting to talk to her a bit! She's very talkative. Kind of hard to get a word in edgewise! But, still, funny and kind. I like her a lot. I have to find a way to get these kids together more often!

We had co-op this morning (LHM), but I really am still in a Christmas break mindset, so it was really tough to get up at 7:30 and go. Alas, I got up at 7:30 and went! The day was fine. Anne had to help out in another room, so I didn't get to catch up with her, but the kids loved the craft I prepped and the morning went quickly. I also got to check in with the moms of Jonas's three friends to talk about birthday celebration ideas.  In the afternoon, I went to the damn store AGAIN. I mean, this diet is creating a constant need for grocery runs! Fruit all day every day, eggs all day every day. We just keep running out! I'm just feeling really grumpy. I wonder if I'm getting depressed again? I can't seem to shake the funk off. 

I planned on today being an extremely lazy day, with no breaks from relaxing. However, after several comments from Ben about how relaxing my life must be, I felt like I needed to do something. I ended up spending about four hours cleaning and packing up Christmas stuff! Woo! I also got to go to the grocery store. My favorite. In addition to Ben's annoying comments, Ollie also said, in response to being asked to do her chores, "But mom doesn't ever contribute." Wow. Really?? It really hurt my feelings and made me in a really moody mood for a while. Not the day I had envisioned for myself.  Yesterday and today, me and the kids did planks and Just Dance for a half hour. It's been fun so far!