March 5, 2026 - Thursday



I'm really getting so burnt out! Today was CACH with a picnic afterwards and it was TWIN DAY! Me and Claire decided to be twins, Ruby and her Claire were twins, Ollie and Clem were twins, and Jonas's friends were all too cool to be twins so he was all along. :( He was a little sad but tried not to show it. I told him he could twin with me too! But he didn't want to. 

Classes were fun today, but a little tiring. I think that leadership is going to approve my idea to have a yearbook club next year. So, rather than teaching any classes, I'll just have some teens with me for most of the time. We'll be taking pictures, coming up with fresh ideas for the yearbook, and I'll be teaching them how to use Canva and Lightroom. I think it will work well to have the extra help! None of the moms are ever able to help me at all and that makes it really hard to get stuff done. At this point in the year, I'm starting to panic a little because there is so much to be done and so little time to do it. 

We had a mostly free afternoon and then I took Jonas to BJJ. Ollie is only supposed to attend three classes each week, which we were all really disappointed to find out. I don't quite understand the reasoning behind it, but rules are rules. 

I had been planning on going to cell group all day long. Even up until dinner! Then, after dinner, I just started to feel really negative about girls group. I think Christina jumping at the opportunity to help plan Ollie's party just cast the difference between the two groups into such sharp relief for me. I can probably count on both hands how many times friends from HC have attended my kids' birthday parties, let alone begging me to help plan it. It just feels like, damn, if the majority of these ladies don't care about my kids after 8+ years of being in group with them, they're never going to. They're never going to be close like family. They're never going to show up for me in the ways that my heart yearns for people to show up for me. And it makes me really sad! I know that it's far too much to expect from people, but I still wish it could happen. I obviously have a couple of VERY good friends in group, who I know would always support me and help any way they could. I don't want to discount what a difference those relationships have made in my life over the years! But so many of the ladies seem like they just couldn't care less. I've tried to build in and failed so many times over the years. And while I appreciate Christina, the truth is that I don't want it to be her. Anyway, I just was feeling like why should I keep going to this cell group, discussing my marriage, while 7/10 of the ladies sit there, aloof, not sharing a single vulnerable thing about their marriages! Why should I keep baring my soul to people that just stare back, and never share what's happening in their lives...unless it's positive! I just felt totally freaking over it today. So yeah. I didn't end up going. 😓

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